The truth is...

Riley's sleep is awful these days.  I know she's up several times a night just wanting to comfort nurse, and Jarrod doesn't like to hear her cry so even if I try to let her soothe herself back to sleep, he gives in and goes in to get her.  I've been saying for weeks now that when he goes out of town next, I'm letting her cry it out and getting her sleep back under control.  I decided I am going to cut out all night time feedings, because I know she doesn't need them.  And I'm going to stick with my plan because I know it's necessary for all parties involved.  Getting up 4-6 times a night isn't helping anyone feel rested in the morning.  

But the truth is....I'm going to miss those night time wakings and feedings.  Yes, I'm exhausted, and I have to drag myself out of the bed when I hear her crying, but sitting on the couch with her, just the two of us, is so peaceful.  I love watching her fall back to sleep.  I love carrying her back into her room, and sometimes I just stay there and hold her because I know it won't be like this for long.  Sometimes, as I'm holding her, I try to remember how it felt to hold her when she was only 8lbs, not 18, and it's sad that it seems like so far away.  I can't remember the last time I was able to rock Gavin to sleep or just hold him and watch his chest rise and fall while he snoozed.  I really want to cherish every minute I have with Riley before she's too big for me to have these special 2am moments.  

So, yes...next week I plan to do some sleep training and cut out nighttime feedings.  But that doesn't mean I won't miss watching her little eyelids flutter as she dozes off.